Being a pastor is a privilege that is hard to put into words. I get to see the best of people... and the worst of people. I get to be there when new life is brought into this world... and when mourning the loss of life. To say pastoring has it's "ups" and "downs" would be one of many ways to describe it.
Recently we have had several families in and around our church that have had family members pass away. I have to say that this is one of the things I struggle with the most in my ministry because I'm just not sure how to respond in a way that would actually bring comfort. Sometimes I wonder if the family I'm trying to minister to can look into my eyes and actually see the inner battle I'm go through as I'm scanning my limited vocabulary to find the perfect words that would bring the most comfort. I feel like a failure most times.
We say things like...
They're in a better place now... - or -
Our loss is heavens gain... - or -
God will heal the pain...
Though all these things may well be true, it just doesn't take the pain away. I've come to realize there are no words that are comforting enough to remove the pain and make it all better.
But let me tell you what I have found works best. I minister to families like this best when I don't say anything. Most times I just find myself welling up inside (which turns on the water works on the outside) and just sitting with them as they mourn. The bible speaks of this. Remember Job, after he had lost everything, his friends came and found him sitting wearing torn garments, and ashes on his head. So they did the same thing and just sat there for days with Job. This was probably the greatest sign of support they could have shown for their friend. Where they messed up was when they opened their mouth. That's when stupidity began to flow.
Now I understand some of the guys that read this will poo-poo this idea because they feel it may be a bit less than manly to actually shed a tear in front of others. But the manliest man I have ever met is Jesus Christ, and He certainly wasn't afraid to show emotion.
Understanding this has really helped me overcome my feelings of complete inadequacy. Now I just feel somewhat inept! Quite the improvement.
Hope this helps you.
Blessings,
Heavy D
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Just hearing your voice on the other line comforted Jeff when we had our little scare in Charleston. Thank you sooooo much for everything you do. :)
ReplyDeleteIf Jesus wept...I sure don't have a problem with it!
ReplyDeleteGreat post brother.
I struggle with being emotional in public adn the past few days have put that to the test. My nephew at age 9 helped me realize that crying is ok. He began to cry at the passing of his papaw and went to hide. When I went to talk to him I told him it was ok to cry in front of people and the thought struck me that I needed to apply that in my own life. Grief and tears of joy are ok even in public. Thanks to my FFWBC family for your love and prayers the last few days.
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